i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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