tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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