i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
