It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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