so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
