If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
