I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
