my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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