Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
