I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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