one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
