i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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