I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
