Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
