Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
