Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
