Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
