just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
