my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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