I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
