Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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