im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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