How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The air was thick with penises
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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