Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're too hungover to prance.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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