the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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