you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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