cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
