I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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