no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
