also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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