Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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