I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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