16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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