This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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