No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
