just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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