I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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