Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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