you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
