I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
