so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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