I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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