I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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