o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
