no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
