I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rumble strips road head = magical
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
