I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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