Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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