Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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