I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
