Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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