Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
