On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
