Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
