Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
