Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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