the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
