no, he came in my armpit
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
