i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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