a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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