The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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