i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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