I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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