Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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