Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
