hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
4 words: hood of his car
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
