Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
soo... how was my night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
