Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
