Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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