he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
