My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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