OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
did i just pee glitter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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