These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
