1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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