You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
