The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
