Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
